shucks shucks shucks shucks SHUCKS! she is really stressifying la.. ): not happy, nope.

i wish that i could have nothing to do and nothing under my resposibility. then i wouldn't have to care about other people's feelings or what they think or say about me. but, no. i'm stuck in this world where everyone looks and stares and says something and then they point and criticize. ): STOP IT! really. it's bugging me, majorly.

oh anyway, i failed my first physics test, failed my first chinese test and studied for my first chem test and SS test too! (: i'm happy about the studying part.. the two fails are.. well, just part and parcel of my acedemic life. so anyway, i did notes for SS and i studied for chem so i feel good cos the test was do-able which means that i'm studying right. right? right. so yes, rach was uber shocked when she saw my notes cos i'm the type who doesn't even give half a hoot about SS.. see girl? i'm a changed person.. i'm a good kid now. hahaha...

prayer meeting in about 45mins. honestly speaking, i don't feel like going cos i'm super tired and stress awaits me. yeah... i just wanna go sleep right now. 4.5hours of sleep is not enough. heck, even 8hours is not enough. i miss my 12am-3pm sleeps.. ahhhh.... holidays!

baby said that he'd tutor me if i went for church camp this year.. so, i'm thinking that i might go after all.. (: see? because of YOU okay jarrold ng jian liang... you'd better be grateful.. becuase of this, you must tutor me at Port Dickson and you must carry all my books, thank you very much.. haha... i love you (together with all your idiosyncrisies and egocentricism)!!

i think i'm a generally retarded person. yes i am.

okay, random. who cares?

I WANT TO SLEEP AND TAN! why can't the O's be over? it's another 9 more months (minus 2 days) and it's so so far away! this feels like being pregnant (not like i've tried being preggy before but you know what i mean.. get it? 9 months?)

so yes, anyway.. hall 3B awaits me.. i hope baby and gaius comes soon so i have people to talk to.. the people around me now are not exactly conversational.. haha... okie dokeries.. i shall go do that research on BGR for the debate, and go gobble up another one of my daddy's chocolates..
oh did i tell you? I FEEL FAT AGAIN! oh hallelujah.. this feels normal.. but i don't wanna feel fat, so this means more jogging and less eating for me! (:



choodles!



(: this smile's for you. i think.

WHERE IS THE SUN!!!!!!!!

so annoying la! i wanted to go tanning today and then i woke up and looked at the sky.... ): no sun! so so so so so so so so so so very saddening. siiiiigh....

i found out that unmitigated teremity means downright boldness. so many letters, such simple meaning.

so anyway, i woke up early thanks to my newly screwed up biological clock.. i'm SO tired but i can't get back to sleep. so, whoopdeedoo.

my phone's a little problematic. it can't take photos and my pictures cannot be renamed or moved. so annoying la! what's a phone without the camera? oh yeah. a lousy phone. hahah....


okay, i'm on the verge of typing lame stuff so i shall save my face and say choodles! have fun open-house people! i'm off to try to catch the sun again, then Fusion and my 10 cell kids await me! (:





we're cool now, aren't we?

:) i decided to be happy today and post a happy post. haha. i realised that nowadays my words ain't exactly all sunshine and daffodils.

firstly, AUNTY CORAL LOKE! i'm so sorry i broke my promise and i gossiped. ): but i'm still trying real hard to stop that inecessant blabberings coming outta my mouth. sorry!

can you believe it? i actually learned new words from that pantat... hahahaha! it's quite hilarious. i'm not saying that my english is perfect and i know all the words in the dictionary but... FADHLI? that's ridiculous. oh, and that buttface is actually reading John Grisham. haha.. mrs lee, nis and i were like, WHAT??

anyway, life has perked up for me over the last 24 hours. most of my dramas have been settled, i'm going for piano today (yay! after 2months! haha..), i do not have much homework, yesterday wasn't tremendously murderous, i don't have to stress over Pitch anymore(i got kicked? did i mention?) and although my test results so far have not been good or what, but at least i know that in all my tests, i made an effort to study. so yes, i'm validated. (:

i was talking to HER yesterday and i was so freaked at first. then two and a half hours later, i emerged from the room and baby was the sweetest things since cotton candy cos he gave me this lame piece of paper which was marginally deocrated but was so encouraging. it's really surprising coming from a guy (especially baby. heh.) but it was so so cute la! thanks sweetheart, you made my day.. i love you like cookie monster loves his cookies.. you are a neccesity in my life. thank you! (:

so now i got a couple of stuff to settle, a little little bit of homework to do, a book to read and a saturday morning to tan! (: i miss the sun. so i'm gonna go tanning at the pool on saturday so i get some alone-time to myself, then i'm gonna roll down to church to pray with my (get this) 10 cell kids. TEN! T-E-N. (: it's a miracle.

it's amazing how although i have such little freedom, i have so little time to myself. that's why i turned down the invitation to NP's openhouse so i can stay home and tan and enjoy me by myself. (: cool huh? how many people get to do that?

so anyways, we had PCCG today and we, the sec 4 PSLs were allowed to crash their party on the count of "coaching". haha... NOT! but it was so fun la. i miss interacting with the sec1s at such close proximity. i thought last year was my very last time, but no way, i get them this year too! i got 1/4 and they are seriously noisy. hanan was uber cute, the leader of the sec3 PSLs.. then there was sok yee, the sweet one. and jonathan, the funny guy. and shikin, the gungho-bring-it-on mamasan. i was in their class with ilyaas. so uber funny la. we played whacko and they were all like, "the blue shirt one! hit the blue shirt girl!" and then i got hit alot alot of times. dang. PSL shirts bring a whole lot of disaster.

so anyway. school was a blast although i was uberly lethargic. TYK was as hilarious as ever. "class, today we will do loci (pronounced: low-sye)" oh goodness! her english is baddy bad bad la! it's low-kai, not low-sye. oh my. so so funny. then she asked those who didn't bring their maths sets to stand. and only fad, nis, me, fiona, and daniel remained seated. hahaha... so much for best class eh? their "punishment" was to behave like compasses. (: so we had like, 21 people spinning around in the classroom. thank God there were no on-lookers.. sigh... 4e1. I LOVE YOU FREAKS! well, mostly.

alrighties... piano time! choodles!



"heaven is a wonderful place... filled with mercy and grace... lalalalalalala LA! heaven is a wonderful place!!!"

how come, when i want to be heard, no one listens? and how come when i want to keep things low, the whole world finds out? the words were put in my mouth. i never said those things you guys thought i had said. no. way. stop it. just leave us all alone.


i don't know who i can trust anymore. as i said, i hate politics. things like these make me think twice about who i talk to, or who is in my circle of friends. i must say though, that now, my sphere of friends is quite small. a whole lot smaller than it was before. what goes around, comes around.

wahlau. i dread tomorrow. i wish it never comes. but who am i kidding? i may wish til i turn into a withered old prune, but tomorrow will always come, heartless as always. oh well, the future awaits me. so does she. dang. i don't wanna talk things out. why do thing have to change?

i'm scared. really. i've come to not recognise the life that i was so happy with. and now? everything is falling apart, people start butting in and trying to give me their opinions, opinions which i do not need. everything's changing and i don't feel the same.





YOU. i don't know if i can trust you again. doubt so. dang. i hate it when things turn out this way, don't you? you're that wolf in this dog-eat-dog world.

NICOLE hey gorgeous! my goodness, i miss you la. i haven't talked to you in a while.. dinner or something soon okay? love you!

pain. the price of love and passion.
pain. the cause of chains of reaction.
pain. the reason for tears.
pain. the reason life is the way it is.
pain. in more ways than one.



crap la. i hate politics. i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate politics.

i'll miss you love. i know it hurts way more for you than it ever will for me. just stay strong as much as you can and try your best to have fun. don't care about what other people say about you, but know that all that matters is your relationship with God. i love you.



life. circumstances. choices. consequences. cliques. crap. care. concern.
life. chaos.


blind.
numb.
deaf. and broken.

a friendly stranger, a face in the crowd;
that still same danger, no clarity, just clouds;
a forgotten memory, or the forgotten remembered;
i call it a fallacy, intension dismembered.




hello world! life has been so darned slow. like. s-----l-----o-----www.... uh, yeah. it's been such a drag going to school, coming home for either tuition or homework, the parents, the teachers, the tests (yes, already.) bah. disgusting. crap. as i said, grace shut up.




Peccadillo.
i don't know recognize what it is i'm feeling.
i'm really confused. so tell me what you think of me.
worse still, i don't know who i feel it for.

peekaboo.

i. am. so. stressed. oh my goodness.. my schedule is packed tight. real tight. sick.

Ikmal Adib B something, YOU ARE HOT STUFF! oh gosh.. i forgot how much i missed you.. well, it's alot alot so ya, be happy. take care of that bump on your head k? love!

Fareyhin, you're still uber hitam. hahaha. (: so so cute la. goodness.

i will so miss BV when i leave. actually, i'll miss my friends.. like, major.

i saw salihin today!!!! (: i miss that one-eye-brow freako... i just need to see juzan, kaiwen and qib and then my life will be pretty much complete. haha

hadi was asking me why i didn't ask him to do Pitch'07 with me. i never knew there were so many mass comm hopefuls around.. even rach ng wants to do mass comm. hmm.... i wonder.


YOU: don't say you love me. it freaks me out.
and YOU: don't ignore me cos you think i do. that's saddening.





CHOODLES! joy luck club is screaming my name... (:

so now i'm not allowed to go out, not even for the last time to send sam and puppy off. i'm sorry guys, i'd have to miss all the fun, AGAIN.

puppy, have fun at NS and whatever you do, remember that we all love you tons ok? you must miss me and give me a hug when you come out in two weeks.. meanwhile, i can't go for dinner to say good bye, but enjoy yourself and then go into camp and have a blast! :) hugs and love!

hey coral.. thanks for the note and stuff.. it's nice to know that there are people watching out for me and yup, i'll keep on keeping on! haha... love!

i've been trying to get a tan lately but the sun over at katong ain't so hot.. literally. haha. i need to out-tan my tank top tan from the last cell outing. it's quite disgusting. it's been two weeks of tanning now and it's still there. how annoying. and the pool's the only place where i get to get away from house. not very far, no doubt, but at least it's not the house. and i have to tan alone. wahlaueh.

i don't know how much longer of this freedom-less-ness i can take. it's really starting to take a toll on me. and my parents have been so irritating. tension at home runs high. suck. and they keep scolding me for every single little thing. nothing i do can ever make them happy, nothing i ever do is enough to fulfill their expectations. so annoying. grace is not all happy noddle huh? dammit.

i can't wait for the O's to be over. they can't keep me down much when i'm in poly right? i pray not.

aiya. it's only been a week into 2007 and i'm so tired already. and school hasn't even started proper. oh crap. crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

i think he heard when gaius was yelling out for all to hear. so now i think he's avoiding me, or sort of. sigh. die la. there goes another close guy friend to stupid things like "love". i don't even "love" (or like like) him. stupid la.

i'm swearing off guys til i'm 18. seriously. guys = major trouble and irritation.

lalalala......................................................................................................... :) i feel damn weird now la. really really weird. i'm like, irritated, sad, angry, annoyed, stressed-ish yet happy. haha. i think i'm delirious.

PITCH '07 is really stressful especially when you have team members who don't really do much. if we're going on stage and looking like complete fools, then i quit. i'd rather not do it than to do a lousy job.

literature presentation is stressful too. but well, that's because i don't know what to do.

Amaths is stressful cos i don't know how to do the homework.

Emaths is stressful cos i've got shit for a maths teacher.

School is stressful cos my shitty maths teacher is also my form teacher and she hates me and she's on my back. and that's WAAAAAY annoying.

Friends are stressful cos i only want platonic relationships to be present for now, and the thing is, everyone is getting hooked up with someone or another.

Parents are stressful cos they've turned the house into a battle field so i must be real careful not to set off any landmines. plus, i have no freedom, and they're annoying.

i just realised, that i'm quite annoyed. everything in life is so annoying. oh gosh.

i need a hug. no wait, three hugs. or.. twelve hugs. okay, maybe thirty-four hugs. okay la... alot alot alot of hugs. anyone willing? oh wait, even if you were willing, i won't be abe to see you guys anyway. at least not til wednesday then friday then saturday then sunday. but my friends will be ditching me on saturday for YA. dammit! roar. yawp. crap. grace shut up.

Pitch '07

brilliant stuff.

it'll help my portfolio. thank God. (:

January and i'm working on my portfolio already... good job Grace! more to come, more to come.. i think i shall take up Ms Pereira's challenge and get back in to Media and Promotions so i can have more papers in that file. yup..


studying starts soon. early i know, but i'm a slow learner.

i can't see my tagboard again.

yawp.

okay... lit presentation beckons.. tata!

i'm so frustrated. now you won't even let me go for an orientation camp? brilliant. my last year in BV and you have to go ahead and ruin it. my most memorable year (hey, im turning 16 aren't i?) and you gotta break it down into nothing but shit. i had a fun day out, i get home and i get crap from you. give me one good reason to come home. give me one good reason to be happy and love my life. give me one freaking good reason. i'm on the verge of vulgarities here, so God help me. but i don't know how much more of this i can take anymore. everyone is giving me shit. damn it.

see Lord? i told You i need Your help. oh goodness.

Lord, i'm gonna trust and believe that this saturday you're gonna blow my mind away during service. maybe that's why you made them say no, but whatever it is, i trust that you have a higher calling, a greater plan for me. yeah.

2007 is when i'm gonna get right with God. really. no more gossiping, no more slacking around, no more playing and joking. yeah, i'm serious. 2007. it doesn't matter if people laugh and call me names, or if i lose my friends for this. but i'm for real this time. everyone reading this, you're my witnesses. so kill meif i break this. stop me if i start gossiping. :) thanks



gaisu, i still smell of your CK lime. its actually quite nice la. i just don't wanna go round smelling like a guy.

boring getting-to-know-you sessions with tan yee kim tomorrow. darn. and all my recess buddies are off at camp. die la. i need friends!