okay, here is the updated update of my life. :) it's pretty long so read it if you care to.

let's see.. there's the family side, friends, school, church, studies, spiritual, and others. let's start with others okay? okay!

hmm.. i can't believe this. i'm 16 (almost) and the relatives are already asking if i have a boyfriend! what is the world coming to? for the past 4 days, it has been: "wah! very long never see you already ah! prettier now leh! wah! got boyfriend or not?" "aiya! so fast! so tall! kah lio liao hor? wah! bi li eh mama lio leh! got boyfriend already or not?" "xiao'en huh! wah! i cannot recognize! come, come, i see.. wah..... nu da shi ba bian! so this year, O levels huh? time go very fast HOR? aiya, i old already. so.. got boyfriend already or not?" OH GOSH! so scary. then my mum went ahead and told them about my plans to get married when i'm 23. so they all went, "WAH! so fast huh? only 7 years more leh!" oh goodness, shut up already. i dread next year.. haha...

dictionary:
"kah lio liao" = taller LIAO
"lio" = tall (hokkien)
"nu da shi ba bian" = (direct translation from chinese to english) girl big eighteen changes

so anyway, moving away from that, family-wise, it's been pretty tough.. actually. it's horrid. absolutely horrid. but i've learnt that things like family warfare have been put in my life to make me stronger. although, this Romans 8:28 is VERY difficult to remember when i have both parents attacking me at full-force on both warfronts. but, i will make it through. i hope. so people! i need your hugs! i do.

friends.. i still feel slightly outcasted sometimes.. okay la. not outcasted. just, not in the thick of things. but might as well la huh? then i can focus on my studies. like in school, i've got tonnes of friends but i know i'm not the firestarter. i know that i don't make things tick and i'm not much of a conversationalist. same in church also.. haha... friends? most of them have flown off to YA or other places and... yeah.. thank God for people who stand by me. really. but i've also come to realize that (haha. cliche. so what) the world will still roll around without me. so. ya la. i'm not princess grace the almighty diva we all need to survive. NOPE. i'm just grace. but i'm quite happy about it, actually..

school. KILLER. oh gosh. i can't wait for the stupid O's to be over. so tedious la. people used to tell me "when you hit your O level year, time will fly past you. really." i never could believe it. but. GRACE! IT'S TRUE! so scary. i remember the day i went around and told people "eh xinyi! it's exactly 9 months to O levels! cool huh?" and now... it's almost exactly 8 months to O levels. i have no idea where the past one month has ran off to. my life has seriously been ricocheted around on the pinball table. busy bee, i have been.

church. politics as ever.. but thankfully, things have been much quieter. (maybe cos we haven't had service in awhile) i hope it's a permanent quietness cos i really can't take politics much longer.. church was meant to be innocent, good, healty, loving, happy, God-fearing, worshippful, prayerful, a place of revival and joy. SO..... why can't things be the way He planned them to be? but ya la.. i'm loving the cell.. i'll be sad if things happen as rumoured, but i hope we stick as one. the girls are coming now, so that's a massive improvement. i like being in charge. haha... ya ya, control freak. whatever. music team? i don't think i'm doing too good on the team, but i shan't give up. i won't quit. i'll keep practising and playing and i'll keep trying to fit in. hell, even if i can't fit in, i'm playing for the Lord, not for the bandmates. so yes! i have an inspiration! :)

studies. aiya. i'm so far behind, i doubt i have a chance. as long as i can get my ass back in the game, i'm alright and my 5A1's are in the bag. english, c.humanities, c.science, Emaths, and literature. no problem right? i hope. i need a good score to get me into mass comm. and i also pray that mass comm in TP is where God wants me to go. i really want to go where He wants me to, and not elsewhere.

love life. dead. haha. as it should be la. a crush here and there, but a crush is, as always, harmless. yeah, sparks of jealousy and dejection due to cold shoulders or blatant jealousy or whatever, but all a party and parcel of life. i guess. haha.. but what's the point of liking someone if either ways i gotta wait til 2009? so, ya.. i'm just ignoring all my feelings for now.. :)


OH GOSH! i've turned into such a passive baby. dang. i used to be bitchy and pervicacious, refusing to bow down to the rules stipulated by the higher ups, but i've turned into pumpkin mush, accepting life the way it is. what is wrong with me? but i guess it's better this way la.. i'll get into less trouble, maybe i'll grow up quicker too.. ya.. lie low, gracie, lie low. yeah, it's better this way.. i was getting tired of fighting anyway. how long can one struggle? how long can one whine and pout? not very long, i'd say.. 15 and a half years, time to take a break.. i'll get back into the ring next year. that's for sure! haha...

anyway, to sum up my current life, it's been the lowest i've ever been, but it's also been where i've been closest to God in the past few years. i guess it's true, sometimes it takes tragedy to pull two people together. even if these two people are God and me. haha... i'm looking forward to brighter days, pulling through these darker times. but. can la. can make it.

okie dokeries.. i've said before that i'll get my ass back into the studying game. SO. i guess i'd better go work on Singapore's population growth in 1950. choodles!