FatMart

2007-02-21T18:09:00.000+08:00

okay, here is the updated update of my life. :) it's pretty long so read it if you care to.

let's see.. there's the family side, friends, school, church, studies, spiritual, and others. let's start with others okay? okay!

hmm.. i can't believe this. i'm 16 (almost) and the relatives are already asking if i have a boyfriend! what is the world coming to? for the past 4 days, it has been: "wah! very long never see you already ah! prettier now leh! wah! got boyfriend or not?" "aiya! so fast! so tall! kah lio liao hor? wah! bi li eh mama lio leh! got boyfriend already or not?" "xiao'en huh! wah! i cannot recognize! come, come, i see.. wah..... nu da shi ba bian! so this year, O levels huh? time go very fast HOR? aiya, i old already. so.. got boyfriend already or not?" OH GOSH! so scary. then my mum went ahead and told them about my plans to get married when i'm 23. so they all went, "WAH! so fast huh? only 7 years more leh!" oh goodness, shut up already. i dread next year.. haha...

dictionary:
"kah lio liao" = taller LIAO
"lio" = tall (hokkien)
"nu da shi ba bian" = (direct translation from chinese to english) girl big eighteen changes

so anyway, moving away from that, family-wise, it's been pretty tough.. actually. it's horrid. absolutely horrid. but i've learnt that things like family warfare have been put in my life to make me stronger. although, this Romans 8:28 is VERY difficult to remember when i have both parents attacking me at full-force on both warfronts. but, i will make it through. i hope. so people! i need your hugs! i do.

friends.. i still feel slightly outcasted sometimes.. okay la. not outcasted. just, not in the thick of things. but might as well la huh? then i can focus on my studies. like in school, i've got tonnes of friends but i know i'm not the firestarter. i know that i don't make things tick and i'm not much of a conversationalist. same in church also.. haha... friends? most of them have flown off to YA or other places and... yeah.. thank God for people who stand by me. really. but i've also come to realize that (haha. cliche. so what) the world will still roll around without me. so. ya la. i'm not princess grace the almighty diva we all need to survive. NOPE. i'm just grace. but i'm quite happy about it, actually..

school. KILLER. oh gosh. i can't wait for the stupid O's to be over. so tedious la. people used to tell me "when you hit your O level year, time will fly past you. really." i never could believe it. but. GRACE! IT'S TRUE! so scary. i remember the day i went around and told people "eh xinyi! it's exactly 9 months to O levels! cool huh?" and now... it's almost exactly 8 months to O levels. i have no idea where the past one month has ran off to. my life has seriously been ricocheted around on the pinball table. busy bee, i have been.

church. politics as ever.. but thankfully, things have been much quieter. (maybe cos we haven't had service in awhile) i hope it's a permanent quietness cos i really can't take politics much longer.. church was meant to be innocent, good, healty, loving, happy, God-fearing, worshippful, prayerful, a place of revival and joy. SO..... why can't things be the way He planned them to be? but ya la.. i'm loving the cell.. i'll be sad if things happen as rumoured, but i hope we stick as one. the girls are coming now, so that's a massive improvement. i like being in charge. haha... ya ya, control freak. whatever. music team? i don't think i'm doing too good on the team, but i shan't give up. i won't quit. i'll keep practising and playing and i'll keep trying to fit in. hell, even if i can't fit in, i'm playing for the Lord, not for the bandmates. so yes! i have an inspiration! :)

studies. aiya. i'm so far behind, i doubt i have a chance. as long as i can get my ass back in the game, i'm alright and my 5A1's are in the bag. english, c.humanities, c.science, Emaths, and literature. no problem right? i hope. i need a good score to get me into mass comm. and i also pray that mass comm in TP is where God wants me to go. i really want to go where He wants me to, and not elsewhere.

love life. dead. haha. as it should be la. a crush here and there, but a crush is, as always, harmless. yeah, sparks of jealousy and dejection due to cold shoulders or blatant jealousy or whatever, but all a party and parcel of life. i guess. haha.. but what's the point of liking someone if either ways i gotta wait til 2009? so, ya.. i'm just ignoring all my feelings for now.. :)

OH GOSH! i've turned into such a passive baby. dang. i used to be bitchy and pervicacious, refusing to bow down to the rules stipulated by the higher ups, but i've turned into pumpkin mush, accepting life the way it is. what is wrong with me? but i guess it's better this way la.. i'll get into less trouble, maybe i'll grow up quicker too.. ya.. lie low, gracie, lie low. yeah, it's better this way.. i was getting tired of fighting anyway. how long can one struggle? how long can one whine and pout? not very long, i'd say.. 15 and a half years, time to take a break.. i'll get back into the ring next year. that's for sure! haha...

anyway, to sum up my current life, it's been the lowest i've ever been, but it's also been where i've been closest to God in the past few years. i guess it's true, sometimes it takes tragedy to pull two people together. even if these two people are God and me. haha... i'm looking forward to brighter days, pulling through these darker times. but. can la. can make it.

okie dokeries.. i've said before that i'll get my ass back into the studying game. SO. i guess i'd better go work on Singapore's population growth in 1950. choodles!

2007-02-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

heya bobos!

merry merry chinese new year!!! :)

haha.. lotsa angbaos this year.. it's the peak of my angbao collecting career i think.. yup! but i can't touch a single cent because i dropped my phone into the pool and then i lost the 1GB memory card. dang. SO. because i lost those puny cards, i lost a million contacts and pictures and memories.. :( WE MUST TAKE MORE PICTURES! (especially people in 4E1 cos i'll miss you guys!)

i think i have new muscles from starting the fire at the pool party.. haha... hanis, you will now be a tekko with muscles! :) yay! and i shall be a kuda with really small muscles.. i think this year can pass the inclined pullups la huh?

hmm... we had a 5hour long buffet today. damn. i think i put on weight. so sad huh? yup! never mind.. the treadmill was bought for a reason.

okay, as for the over pinkiness of my blog, i aplogize. i just picked whatever and it turned out this colour so.. aiya, whatever la.. i'm too lazy to go fix up a tagboard and links and other bloggable stuff like that, so when i'm done tackling the common tests and homework, i will. meanwhile, say what you want to on these comment thingamajigs okay?

oh and, give me your numbers again okay? (when the phone is all fixed up, that is.)

what's with the cold shoulder, buttface?

2007-02-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

i hate valentine's. hate it. (for now la. no boyfriend what.)

aiya. so annoying.

LALALALALA... thank you rubykins, for your rose.. it's so sweet! haha.. it's dead now though... :( oh well.. roses are like that. and lina, if i put on weight, it's wholly your fault.. haha...

2 days to friday. class pool party, sentosa, or reunion dinner? hmmm... i think i'll go with option number one.. i hope it won't rain and it'll be fun.. last year together babies.. i'll miss you all so much!

i finally got my butt round to getting a proper google thing for this stupid blog thing. so annoying la.. change for what?

okie dokeries.. i'm typing lame and useless and incoherent and boring things, so i'll go get inspiration then blog proper.. choodleloos!

2007-02-08T17:46:00.000+08:00

:) i had a very good one hour's sleep on the sun today.. i ran out of tanning oil so it was just skin on sun.. it felt soo sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. know what i mean?

i can't wait for next friday! chill with 4e1 day! :)

today was retarded. we, 4e1, officially do not like the chihuahua.. haha.. we lined up according to index number and walked in a super straight like to her class.. haha.. it looked so funny. see? nerds can have humour too!

ooh! we played soccer today and there was no mud, so thank God. and we won! 4-2.. the punishment for the "losers" was that they had to do 10 push ups but our class was really united so we all did the push ups together. so mrazmi cut it down to just 5.. it wasn't tiring or what but it was a great show of our unity.. :) just when i'm beginning to love my class, we're splitting up. wahlaueh.

okie dokeries! choodles! i'm gonna go hit the shower.. smooch smooch all!

2007-02-07T20:05:00.000+08:00

who lives in the pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANTS!

okay. don't ask me what that was for.. it's just a random thought that i haven't watched a stupid cartoon in quite awhile..

korkor was so spastic la. i mentioned the prom night thing and the high possibility that i may be going on a cruise for prom. (i was initially against it but after awhile, the idea does sound quite appealing) and then i mentioned that we could ask other people as well. then he immediately launched into a who-are-you-going-to-bring attack.. so funny la.. then he was like, "eh xiao'en.. if you really don't know who to ask right, i don't mind going leh.." HAHAHAHHA. moron. then i asked if he was going cos it was on a boat and he replied "no la.. i want to take care of my meimei so no one can lure you to a club and rape you." what the heck la?? haha.. mad man.. and he's so much older than the people going for prom.. 7-8 years, to be exact. and ha wants me to as chewy to go as well. so retarded can? and anyway, if chew was going to crash anybody's prom, it wouldn't be mine.. would it? (private joke.)

anyway, today is a i'm-not-talking-to-dad day. he was so horrendously annoying. grr.

baby.. thanks for lending me that soft cushy shoulder when i needed someone to cry to. you're lucky i managed to snap out of it fats, or you'd have been stuck with me in a hurricane mood.. haha... hugs!

ooh. did you know that ilyaas has 21 pairs of jeans? insane right? which guy has that many pairs of jeans la.. siao. hahah...

in exactly one week, serena will be celebrating not just Valentine's day, but also her first year anniversary with her lookalike boyfriend. and here, grace will be moping around cos she's alone. again. oh wow whee. my valentine's will be spent in literature remedial followed by prayer meeting. cool huh? yup! but aiya, i should be use to this by now shouldn't i? NOT! only 23 more months stand between me and my future husband/boyfriend. nope, no problem waiting just a little longer.. someday............... ahh.. retarded fantasies.

okay. i'm done being annoying. choodles!

i'm conned and fused. and no, you don't say boo to a goose, like you don't say peccadillo to a priest.

2007-02-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat FAT.

i feel so so fat.

plus. i think i'm balding. die la....

ARGHH.... how? how to stop hairfall? so annoying.

2007-02-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

since people has been bugging me to update proper. haha.. i shall. buggers! oh.. i found out that a bugger is one who has sexual intercourse with animals. sick huh? and all i thought it meant was "irritating".. like, stop bugging me. you know?

firstly, and AGAIN, i need to aplogize to Nicole Ann Ee Min. i'm really ultra sorry that i made you cry love.. and all the time i thought i was the victim. so anyway, to make up for it all, i shall confess something to you in front of everyone. you may think it's really weird or something but truth is, i feel superly inferior whenever i'm near you. perhaps it's the height or maybe the looks or cash or just cos you're so loveable.. i think that you're superior to me. i feel that way about a few people but aiya.. all part of life. that's why i was so so scared that you were pissed at me on saturday.. but as i have said before, and i will say again, sorry that i was immature enough to think that you'd push aside our friendship for something like clothes. haha. and the message i sent was not meant in a mean way.. i was trying to protect your interest (cos i thought you were pissed at me so you wouldn't want to be seen in the same place) so....................................................................... I'M SORRY! don't ask me why i feel so bad about it and why i've apologized so many times.. i just feel the need to.. anyway, dinner next week okay? plus we shall play together (i play sus you play keys) and we shall have lunch together and sit together during service okay? smile babe.. please?

OKAY. back to the part of my life which is not directed to one special person only.

:) i feel retarded. i was nice so i sacrificed my life and went out with chew and ness and isaaaaaaac cos i was such a sweetie pie. so sweet right? yes! but anyway, couldn't find any nice stuff for chew to wear for new year so he shall jst have to wait and do last minute shopping.

these few days have taught me alot. they've taught me how to stand up for myself, taught me how to trust the RIGHT people, taught me not to be so friggin' sensitive, and taught me how not to trust my intuition. i've also realised that life really is in my own hands so i need to take responsibility. i've also realised that there are people in my life who genuinely care about me. and as much as i think i don't have a life, i do. i may not have many close friends due to my lack of freedom and i may not be the closest to any one, although i'd love that, but i've learnt that with each part of life, comes a certain amount of freedom and privileges i'm entitled to, and i can whine and crap all i want, but the bottomline is that i have to make the best of it.

so to everyone who loves me (chew, nic, ness, isaac, gaius, baby, gina, maddy, meredith, cell, music team, korkor, chuanie, angie etc etc.. and all the school people, like, 4e1, nis, di, an, fad, ikmal, ilyaas, JP, philly, ruby etc etc...) thank you! and i love you guys and girls so much too! i'm sorry for the times i've taken you guys for granted or treated you guys like crap, but thanks for being there when i needed a hug or simply a smile.. and thanks for being the sweetest people in the world, God's blessing to me.. :)

yayaayayayayayaya... okay, drama, touchy-touchy done.. i'll probably regret my drama-ness in a while, but hey! give as much love as you possibly can in the spur of the moment cos you'd regret it more if you didn't and you lost one of those you love. (i quote from daddy)

SPREAD SOME LOVE PEOPLE! IT'S VALENTINE'S!!!!!!! :)

P.S i want my roses and chocolates and even though you know that i'll say no, please ask me out and ask me to be your valentine's

:) haha.. you only get to do this once a year.

2007, valentine's alone again. oh well... just wait til 2009. 23 months more to go.. amore amore..

i can't wait for the 16th.. fun awaits me.. :) yessah.. tan tan here i come.. how exciting.. i hope it'll be fun.. i've never been a fan of class outings and stuff so this is a first and i pray it's memorable!

okay, done. choodles!

2007-02-04T08:45:00.000+08:00

aiyayayayayaya..................

nicole!!!! i'm so so sorry!! sorry lovie.. i'm passing something to gaius to pass to you so you make sure he passes it to you okay? love ya!

i'm too lazy to post something else... so.. wait la huh?

choodles!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

shucks shucks shucks shucks SHUCKS! she is really stressifying la.. ): not happy, nope.

i wish that i could have nothing to do and nothing under my resposibility. then i wouldn't have to care about other people's feelings or what they think or say about me. but, no. i'm stuck in this world where everyone looks and stares and says something and then they point and criticize. ): STOP IT! really. it's bugging me, majorly.

oh anyway, i failed my first physics test, failed my first chinese test and studied for my first chem test and SS test too! (: i'm happy about the studying part.. the two fails are.. well, just part and parcel of my acedemic life. so anyway, i did notes for SS and i studied for chem so i feel good cos the test was do-able which means that i'm studying right. right? right. so yes, rach was uber shocked when she saw my notes cos i'm the type who doesn't even give half a hoot about SS.. see girl? i'm a changed person.. i'm a good kid now. hahaha...

prayer meeting in about 45mins. honestly speaking, i don't feel like going cos i'm super tired and stress awaits me. yeah... i just wanna go sleep right now. 4.5hours of sleep is not enough. heck, even 8hours is not enough. i miss my 12am-3pm sleeps.. ahhhh.... holidays!

baby said that he'd tutor me if i went for church camp this year.. so, i'm thinking that i might go after all.. (: see? because of YOU okay jarrold ng jian liang... you'd better be grateful.. becuase of this, you must tutor me at Port Dickson and you must carry all my books, thank you very much.. haha... i love you (together with all your idiosyncrisies and egocentricism)!!

i think i'm a generally retarded person. yes i am.

okay, random. who cares?

I WANT TO SLEEP AND TAN! why can't the O's be over? it's another 9 more months (minus 2 days) and it's so so far away! this feels like being pregnant (not like i've tried being preggy before but you know what i mean.. get it? 9 months?)

so yes, anyway.. hall 3B awaits me.. i hope baby and gaius comes soon so i have people to talk to.. the people around me now are not exactly conversational.. haha... okie dokeries.. i shall go do that research on BGR for the debate, and go gobble up another one of my daddy's chocolates..
oh did i tell you? I FEEL FAT AGAIN! oh hallelujah.. this feels normal.. but i don't wanna feel fat, so this means more jogging and less eating for me! (:

choodles!

(: this smile's for you. i think.

2007-01-20T11:33:00.000+08:00

WHERE IS THE SUN!!!!!!!!

so annoying la! i wanted to go tanning today and then i woke up and looked at the sky.... ): no sun! so so so so so so so so so so very saddening. siiiiigh....

i found out that unmitigated teremity means downright boldness. so many letters, such simple meaning.

so anyway, i woke up early thanks to my newly screwed up biological clock.. i'm SO tired but i can't get back to sleep. so, whoopdeedoo.

my phone's a little problematic. it can't take photos and my pictures cannot be renamed or moved. so annoying la! what's a phone without the camera? oh yeah. a lousy phone. hahah....

okay, i'm on the verge of typing lame stuff so i shall save my face and say choodles! have fun open-house people! i'm off to try to catch the sun again, then Fusion and my 10 cell kids await me! (:

we're cool now, aren't we?

2007-01-18T14:17:00.000+08:00

:) i decided to be happy today and post a happy post. haha. i realised that nowadays my words ain't exactly all sunshine and daffodils.

firstly, AUNTY CORAL LOKE! i'm so sorry i broke my promise and i gossiped. ): but i'm still trying real hard to stop that inecessant blabberings coming outta my mouth. sorry!

can you believe it? i actually learned new words from that pantat... hahahaha! it's quite hilarious. i'm not saying that my english is perfect and i know all the words in the dictionary but... FADHLI? that's ridiculous. oh, and that buttface is actually reading John Grisham. haha.. mrs lee, nis and i were like, WHAT??

anyway, life has perked up for me over the last 24 hours. most of my dramas have been settled, i'm going for piano today (yay! after 2months! haha..), i do not have much homework, yesterday wasn't tremendously murderous, i don't have to stress over Pitch anymore(i got kicked? did i mention?) and although my test results so far have not been good or what, but at least i know that in all my tests, i made an effort to study. so yes, i'm validated. (:

i was talking to HER yesterday and i was so freaked at first. then two and a half hours later, i emerged from the room and baby was the sweetest things since cotton candy cos he gave me this lame piece of paper which was marginally deocrated but was so encouraging. it's really surprising coming from a guy (especially baby. heh.) but it was so so cute la! thanks sweetheart, you made my day.. i love you like cookie monster loves his cookies.. you are a neccesity in my life. thank you! (:

so now i got a couple of stuff to settle, a little little bit of homework to do, a book to read and a saturday morning to tan! (: i miss the sun. so i'm gonna go tanning at the pool on saturday so i get some alone-time to myself, then i'm gonna roll down to church to pray with my (get this) 10 cell kids. TEN! T-E-N. (: it's a miracle.

it's amazing how although i have such little freedom, i have so little time to myself. that's why i turned down the invitation to NP's openhouse so i can stay home and tan and enjoy me by myself. (: cool huh? how many people get to do that?

so anyways, we had PCCG today and we, the sec 4 PSLs were allowed to crash their party on the count of "coaching". haha... NOT! but it was so fun la. i miss interacting with the sec1s at such close proximity. i thought last year was my very last time, but no way, i get them this year too! i got 1/4 and they are seriously noisy. hanan was uber cute, the leader of the sec3 PSLs.. then there was sok yee, the sweet one. and jonathan, the funny guy. and shikin, the gungho-bring-it-on mamasan. i was in their class with ilyaas. so uber funny la. we played whacko and they were all like, "the blue shirt one! hit the blue shirt girl!" and then i got hit alot alot of times. dang. PSL shirts bring a whole lot of disaster.

so anyway. school was a blast although i was uberly lethargic. TYK was as hilarious as ever. "class, today we will do loci (pronounced: low-sye)" oh goodness! her english is baddy bad bad la! it's low-kai, not low-sye. oh my. so so funny. then she asked those who didn't bring their maths sets to stand. and only fad, nis, me, fiona, and daniel remained seated. hahaha... so much for best class eh? their "punishment" was to behave like compasses. (: so we had like, 21 people spinning around in the classroom. thank God there were no on-lookers.. sigh... 4e1. I LOVE YOU FREAKS! well, mostly.

alrighties... piano time! choodles!

"heaven is a wonderful place... filled with mercy and grace... lalalalalalala LA! heaven is a wonderful place!!!"

2007-01-16T14:52:00.000+08:00

how come, when i want to be heard, no one listens? and how come when i want to keep things low, the whole world finds out? the words were put in my mouth. i never said those things you guys thought i had said. no. way. stop it. just leave us all alone.

i don't know who i can trust anymore. as i said, i hate politics. things like these make me think twice about who i talk to, or who is in my circle of friends. i must say though, that now, my sphere of friends is quite small. a whole lot smaller than it was before. what goes around, comes around.

wahlau. i dread tomorrow. i wish it never comes. but who am i kidding? i may wish til i turn into a withered old prune, but tomorrow will always come, heartless as always. oh well, the future awaits me. so does she. dang. i don't wanna talk things out. why do thing have to change?

i'm scared. really. i've come to not recognise the life that i was so happy with. and now? everything is falling apart, people start butting in and trying to give me their opinions, opinions which i do not need. everything's changing and i don't feel the same.

YOU. i don't know if i can trust you again. doubt so. dang. i hate it when things turn out this way, don't you? you're that wolf in this dog-eat-dog world.

NICOLE hey gorgeous! my goodness, i miss you la. i haven't talked to you in a while.. dinner or something soon okay? love you!

2007-01-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

pain. the price of love and passion.
pain. the cause of chains of reaction.
pain. the reason for tears.
pain. the reason life is the way it is.
pain. in more ways than one.

crap la. i hate politics. i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate politics.

i'll miss you love. i know it hurts way more for you than it ever will for me. just stay strong as much as you can and try your best to have fun. don't care about what other people say about you, but know that all that matters is your relationship with God. i love you.

life. circumstances. choices. consequences. cliques. crap. care. concern.
life. chaos.

blind.
numb.
deaf. and broken.

2007-01-11T16:16:00.000+08:00

a friendly stranger, a face in the crowd;
that still same danger, no clarity, just clouds;
a forgotten memory, or the forgotten remembered;
i call it a fallacy, intension dismembered.

hello world! life has been so darned slow. like. s-----l-----o-----www.... uh, yeah. it's been such a drag going to school, coming home for either tuition or homework, the parents, the teachers, the tests (yes, already.) bah. disgusting. crap. as i said, grace shut up.

Peccadillo.
i don't know recognize what it is i'm feeling.
i'm really confused. so tell me what you think of me.
worse still, i don't know who i feel it for.

2007-01-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

peekaboo.

i. am. so. stressed. oh my goodness.. my schedule is packed tight. real tight. sick.

Ikmal Adib B something, YOU ARE HOT STUFF! oh gosh.. i forgot how much i missed you.. well, it's alot alot so ya, be happy. take care of that bump on your head k? love!

Fareyhin, you're still uber hitam. hahaha. (: so so cute la. goodness.

i will so miss BV when i leave. actually, i'll miss my friends.. like, major.

i saw salihin today!!!! (: i miss that one-eye-brow freako... i just need to see juzan, kaiwen and qib and then my life will be pretty much complete. haha

hadi was asking me why i didn't ask him to do Pitch'07 with me. i never knew there were so many mass comm hopefuls around.. even rach ng wants to do mass comm. hmm.... i wonder.

YOU: don't say you love me. it freaks me out.
and YOU: don't ignore me cos you think i do. that's saddening.

CHOODLES! joy luck club is screaming my name... (:

2007-01-07T18:31:00.001+08:00

so now i'm not allowed to go out, not even for the last time to send sam and puppy off. i'm sorry guys, i'd have to miss all the fun, AGAIN.

puppy, have fun at NS and whatever you do, remember that we all love you tons ok? you must miss me and give me a hug when you come out in two weeks.. meanwhile, i can't go for dinner to say good bye, but enjoy yourself and then go into camp and have a blast! :) hugs and love!

hey coral.. thanks for the note and stuff.. it's nice to know that there are people watching out for me and yup, i'll keep on keeping on! haha... love!

i've been trying to get a tan lately but the sun over at katong ain't so hot.. literally. haha. i need to out-tan my tank top tan from the last cell outing. it's quite disgusting. it's been two weeks of tanning now and it's still there. how annoying. and the pool's the only place where i get to get away from house. not very far, no doubt, but at least it's not the house. and i have to tan alone. wahlaueh.

i don't know how much longer of this freedom-less-ness i can take. it's really starting to take a toll on me. and my parents have been so irritating. tension at home runs high. suck. and they keep scolding me for every single little thing. nothing i do can ever make them happy, nothing i ever do is enough to fulfill their expectations. so annoying. grace is not all happy noddle huh? dammit.

i can't wait for the O's to be over. they can't keep me down much when i'm in poly right? i pray not.

aiya. it's only been a week into 2007 and i'm so tired already. and school hasn't even started proper. oh crap. crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

i think he heard when gaius was yelling out for all to hear. so now i think he's avoiding me, or sort of. sigh. die la. there goes another close guy friend to stupid things like "love". i don't even "love" (or like like) him. stupid la.

i'm swearing off guys til i'm 18. seriously. guys = major trouble and irritation.

lalalala......................................................................................................... :) i feel damn weird now la. really really weird. i'm like, irritated, sad, angry, annoyed, stressed-ish yet happy. haha. i think i'm delirious.

PITCH '07 is really stressful especially when you have team members who don't really do much. if we're going on stage and looking like complete fools, then i quit. i'd rather not do it than to do a lousy job.

literature presentation is stressful too. but well, that's because i don't know what to do.

Amaths is stressful cos i don't know how to do the homework.

Emaths is stressful cos i've got shit for a maths teacher.

School is stressful cos my shitty maths teacher is also my form teacher and she hates me and she's on my back. and that's WAAAAAY annoying.

Friends are stressful cos i only want platonic relationships to be present for now, and the thing is, everyone is getting hooked up with someone or another.

Parents are stressful cos they've turned the house into a battle field so i must be real careful not to set off any landmines. plus, i have no freedom, and they're annoying.

i just realised, that i'm quite annoyed. everything in life is so annoying. oh gosh.

i need a hug. no wait, three hugs. or.. twelve hugs. okay, maybe thirty-four hugs. okay la... alot alot alot of hugs. anyone willing? oh wait, even if you were willing, i won't be abe to see you guys anyway. at least not til wednesday then friday then saturday then sunday. but my friends will be ditching me on saturday for YA. dammit! roar. yawp. crap. grace shut up.

2007-01-05T15:11:00.000+08:00

Pitch '07

brilliant stuff.

it'll help my portfolio. thank God. (:

January and i'm working on my portfolio already... good job Grace! more to come, more to come.. i think i shall take up Ms Pereira's challenge and get back in to Media and Promotions so i can have more papers in that file. yup..

studying starts soon. early i know, but i'm a slow learner.

i can't see my tagboard again.

yawp.

okay... lit presentation beckons.. tata!

2007-01-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

i'm so frustrated. now you won't even let me go for an orientation camp? brilliant. my last year in BV and you have to go ahead and ruin it. my most memorable year (hey, im turning 16 aren't i?) and you gotta break it down into nothing but shit. i had a fun day out, i get home and i get crap from you. give me one good reason to come home. give me one good reason to be happy and love my life. give me one freaking good reason. i'm on the verge of vulgarities here, so God help me. but i don't know how much more of this i can take anymore. everyone is giving me shit. damn it.

see Lord? i told You i need Your help. oh goodness.

Lord, i'm gonna trust and believe that this saturday you're gonna blow my mind away during service. maybe that's why you made them say no, but whatever it is, i trust that you have a higher calling, a greater plan for me. yeah.

2007 is when i'm gonna get right with God. really. no more gossiping, no more slacking around, no more playing and joking. yeah, i'm serious. 2007. it doesn't matter if people laugh and call me names, or if i lose my friends for this. but i'm for real this time. everyone reading this, you're my witnesses. so kill meif i break this. stop me if i start gossiping. :) thanks

gaisu, i still smell of your CK lime. its actually quite nice la. i just don't wanna go round smelling like a guy.

boring getting-to-know-you sessions with tan yee kim tomorrow. darn. and all my recess buddies are off at camp. die la. i need friends!

2006-12-31T00:10:00.000+08:00

parents are the weirdest things in history. really.

so are boys. yup.

Lord, i don't know what's going on in my very screwed up life right now. but Lord, You said that all things work together for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your will. so Lord, i'm placing this in Your hands. i'm gonna believe that no matter how things turn out, it's all part of Your plan for the good of me. i've run out of tears to cry, run out of heart-space to be hurt anymore, run out of time to wait, run out of love to give, so Lord, i need Your love. i need You to clear up the bits and pieces and to put a new heart in me, i need You to give me time. in You, Lord, i believe. family, that's in Your hands. every other emotion or feeling i have inside me, it's Yours as well. teach me Lord, to not pick up my baggage again. teach me to give it to You wholly. 2007, scary as it is, it's in Your hands. i love You, Lord. kisses! in Jesus' name i pray, amen.

mmm. yeah. i'm quite confused now. life is very confusing. i don't know why i have to go ahead and complicate my actually simple life, but. well. carnal nature i suppose. just totally natural for us to go whack our own lives and leave ourselves lost and hopeless. ah well.

2007. i'm not ready for you yet. but since no matter what happens, you're gonna come anyways, i suppose i'd better pray real hard and brace myself. boy, am i in for a ride.

Lord, help me get through this year and i promise, promise, promise that next year i'll testify. i promise.

gaisu and yingchuan, thanks for being there to protect me and comfort me and give me hugs when i really needed people i loved to be around. you'll never understand how bad it hurt, but thanks for trying anyway. i love you both so much.. hugs!

ness, please please keep it a secret. really. i can't afford to lose another guy friend to stupid things like "love". i'm 3 years too young for this. you too joel chew and nicky and lukie ang. and gaisu. and emmanuel. oh please.... shh... (: private k? our clique only.

crushed. i am well and truly crushed. in more ways than one.

2006-12-29T17:01:00.000+08:00

i'm in church now and i'm so friggin' bored. BORED. bore. boring. boredom. borish. BORED.

oh goodness. i'm about to evaporate. i need social people besides gabsy who is tonnes of fun but slightly eccentric. siiiigh. why is music prac so late? and is anyone else going at all? BABY! hurry up and come to church already... oh boo.

i must rememeber to upload some pretty hot shots from Christmas. i must. there's this near-naked shot of ness and i but we're actually fully clothed. cool eh?

and this topmodel-wannabe shot of three of us and puppy. all looking quite hot, really.

hmm. i'm bored. have i mentioned that before? well, yeah. i am.

i need to go shopping again. so what's new? but the catch is, my wallet holds only $87.85 so i can't do much shopping without bankrupting myself, can i?

ooooh,yes. i forgot to add, we played monopoly as a family yesterday and i was bankrupted. like, major. daddy bought a hotel on Mayfair so each time i landed there, i had to pay him like, $2000. dammit. so by the end of the game (12 am or so) i was in a $3,300 debt to dad. no fair huh?

ooooooooh, yes. i also forgot to add. JUZAN! i miss you majorly. my gawsh. you're so much hotter now la. but lose that beer belly. hugs and kisses to you, love.

ooooooooooooh, yes. i've got this secret right, and i think puppy is trying to find out. puppy, you should just ask me about it. you know i'd tell you. and yes, the crush is crushing again. oooh.. juicy secrets! loooove it. but puppy.. you've got a not-so-secretive secret too, no? snap out of denial and just ask HER out already. right ness? and nic?

oooooooooooooooh, yes. i'm done with more than half my homework. can you believe that?

oooooooooooooooooooh, yes. i need to borrow someone's chinese workbook so i can copy the MCQs. i actually did the written ones already. :) hey! it's better than 100% not done by me right?
okay yes. i'm off in search of civilisation.

kelvie.i miss you tonnes. talk to me. you had better e-mail me or something soon. cos i'd kill you. rip off your head and staple it to darly's doorknob. love and choodles!

fun fact: we share 5000 common DNA threads with elephant sharks and we're 97% alike (in terms of DNA) with a certain kind of worm. cool huh?

2006-12-29T15:01:00.000+08:00

hello

merry Christmas

happy new year

school starts soon

whoop dee doo.

vaness is a very happy noodle. or what she calls, happy doodle.
i've got 3 years to wait. doubt he will.
nicole. you need a hot, tall, nice, gentleman. yes, you do.

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas.

i'm gonna miss my boys when they go in to NS won't i? mm hmm

i've got nothing to say really. nothing much at all.

dang.

2006-12-25T17:08:00.000+08:00

this was for um, another day. 21st December i think. uh. yeah

Christmas beckons. :)

oh ya. if you ever see my entire blog restarted again, it's because i'm unable to gain access to my blog due to McAfee thinking i'm too vulgar. nice. i don't even use vulgarities la. stupid McAfee.

anyway, i decided to go ahead with the partial jerk thing.. so i bought some people presents. and i hope that those who're no receiving any won't take it to offense cos it's really beyond me to buy every single one a gift. i'd either be beyond broke or it'd be mass presents. i hate mass presents so i won't do it to you guys ok?

went out with the boys and colin and baby yesterday. baby got swiped off by a UFO (Undeniably Funny uh, Oboe) and so the rest of us went to watch night at the museum.

hey baby, i'm sorry i didn't tag along with you and gaisu.. it's just uber awkward for me to slot myself into your clique and go HELLO GAIUS! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY BUT I'M FOLLOWING YOU GUYS TO TOWN!!! know what i mean? and i love you both to bits la, so don't get me wrong. and anyway, i have moral obligations to stay with my boys cos i love them more than ever. and after all, they are my cell.

so yes, we watched the movie and then "spy spy my little eye, i spy....." um, Fareez and his to drones. haha... i don't think they know me la, so i didn't embarrass myself and go say hi. i'm smart huh? haha

then we splashed around in the water place upstairs of vivo (great place for lonerdom.. i'll go there next time i want a day off by myself) and then we had starbucks and then they planned a slumber party, and then i went off home and they went to toys"R"us. oh well.

there's an art to their madness.

i'll be popping by church in about half an hour to go give a hand to the Christmas crew. haha. i still think i'm over dressed but heck, i love my dress. muahaha. yay, me!

bang, bang! you're dead.

lah dee dee dah... Christmas beckons.

2006-12-15T20:40:00.000+08:00

arggh!!! whoever went ahead and made losing weight such a tediously long process?!?!?! oh wait. that's God.

i officially declare "fat" a vulgarity. (BABY, take note. you fat gay. haha. love you!)

in my book, it's a fallacy that some people should be born with abso-freaking-lutely no ability to get f*t no matter how much they pig out or not run around like hamsters on they're wheel. wahlaueh. i mean, here we f*t people are, trying to shed some pounds, and we're like, dying. and we look to our left and see this drop-dead-gorgeous slim model stereotype [a.k.a nicole ann ee min or farhanis ahmad]stuffing her mouth full of twinkies, M&Ms, maltezers, calbee, famous amos cookies, ben and jerry's and NO way does she put on a single fraction of a pound. even worse, she lies there to rot, but she still seems to lose more weight then we f*t people do. wahlaueh. where is the justice in this world??? why God, why??

life has been screwed. got chased out of school by our very enthusiastic security guard because i wasn't in the freaking uniform. missed prayer because i was out with the parents (and korkor gave me his "why-weren't-you-there-when-you're-a-PK" face). didn't manage to get that tan with hanis and lina after all. (thanks to the parents). dadsy and i are constantly living the life of a soldier in the Vietnam war, treading the grounds and never know when we'll trigger off a land mine.(namely--mum). haven't gone out much or done anything constructive. haven't christmas shopped(i don't even know if i want to), haven't done my freaking homework (i saw oliver today and wahlaueh, he's done ALL of his already. and believe me, i have ALOT of homework).

yawp.

yeah, yawp. it currently seems like the only non-vulgar word to describe my life.

ooh! fun moment! yesterday we were in the PR and baby and i were fighting over the keyboard, totally confusing alvin and poor darling jeryl. hahahaha... moron.

i love my baby. you're so f*t and stupid you know that? :) no la. you're not f*t. i am. slightly. BUT STILL! it gives you no reason to call me a f*t man. MAN. :( i am not a pretty boy. imma..imma.. imma gonna be somebody's momma someday, y'all.. (okay. grace. now seems like a good time to shut up)

so my fake angel bought me blueberry morning to add on to my humongous tub of cereal mix (heh, nicks) and he got me stuff so now he's broke. :) i LOVE bankrupting people. no la.. real sweet of you, my love... kisses!

my angel (whom i strongly suspect is korkor, but oh well, the truth will be revealed in a week) does not appreciate the hugs and kisses i send to him/her through joash. :( why???? it's okie dokie ashie baby, i like your hugs so you can hug me and ignore my angel. muahahahahah.

hmm. shopping tomorrow with mum i think. i'm considering between being a complete jerk and buying NO presents at all. zero. zilch. nope. nada. either that, or i buy only the selected few presents and be a jerk to those who think they're close to me but get nothing. i'm quite the b>itch and i love being exclusive so people feel left out, but i mean, it IS christmas. after all. soo..... i'm stuck. somebody help me please! i hate it when i'm freaking broke and am unable to make everyone happy cos it's christmas. but who needs me anyway?

okay, i'm back in the mood of absolute vulgarities (a.k.a f*t mood. not profane=vulgar mood. ) and McAfee is starting to seriously (and i mean seriously) cheese me off. what with all this screening and whatever nots. i can't even go to kelvin's blog for goodness sake. neither can i access hanis'/an's/lizzo's/alot of people's blogs. wahlaueh. i hate McAfee. abso-freaking-lutely HATE McAfee. po-si-tive-ly loathe the stupid program. :(

choodles! i need to terminate my relations with FatMart. f*t ain't doing me no good. f*t or obese or even slightly chubbs. deh-ehng. the sordid life i lead.

2006-12-11T18:25:00.000+08:00

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might
Know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked
With my maker's fingerprints?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You
'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You
Capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives
To glorify one name?

I miss this song. And Lord, You’ve done so much for me, but why am I still such a dumb block of wood not to realize it and to give You all the praise and whatnots that You deserve? There’s so much that I know (what to do? Second generation mah..) but so much I don’t put to action. If only I could start all over. Lay down all my responsibilities and start over on a clean slate. Forget the piano and my discouragement about it. Forget my cell and my love for them. Forget Ephimerida and the memories they hold. Forget all and just be Mary and not Martha. Oh how I wish. How I long for that intimacy with You again. Lord, is it too late?

I’ve been uber frustrated lately. I don’t wanna hang out with people, don’t wanna talk, don’t wanna go out, don’t wanna do anything. Oh gosh. What’s wrong with me? I hate this feeling. Really. Yawp. I think I’m schizophrenic. Sometimes I’m all hyper, and then sometimes I’m all moody and sometimes I’m hyper but I wanna be alone and some people mistake that for emo-ness. But, oh come on.

Oh dang

I’m starting to speak incoherently. Choodles.

116 pounds. Oh man. That’s about 13 pounds too much. Aaaaaaarrrggghhh. FatMart indeed.

2006-12-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

i'm so stuck in this concrete jungle la. call it culture shock if you will. almost 8 days in the wilderness and someone smacks me back in Singapore with the couch the laptop and teevo... whooboy, cheap thrills.

life has been swell.. i won't say much about any of the camps.. i've said so much before and i'm too darned lazy to repeat myself.. :)

SERENE thanks babe.. you impacted my life in your sweet ways.. i'm glad i was able to play a part in it all, and just as God gave me the opportunity to help you, He gave you the opportunity to help me. through you, He reminded me of why i even became a leader in the first place. it was a great encouragement... hunnie, i'm expecting so much more from you so you don't let me down okay? blow my mind (or whatever's left of it) away! i love you!!

i need shopping. oh dang. i gotta start doing the homework though. HANIS hey loveboat, i just realised that friday's your anniversary and anyways, i'm not allowed. :( sorry to let you down yet again.. have fun with lina or hadi though.. update me on your life okay? i miss you!!

i don't really know what's wrong with me lately. i'm not in "emo" state cos i'm not depressed or anything. but life lately has been.. like that. when everything should be pumped up and psyched, i'm flapping in the wind made by the rushing crowd, left behind. i've got my girlfriends, yeah, i do, but still. i feel so, alone? and weirder still... i like it. loner-dom, i call it. it's getting to my head.

tomorrow.. marine parade library to do the homework.. can't stay at home.. i'll die.. coffee and textbooks with me, anyone?

choodles.. i need foolscap paper.. haha.. and gao zhi also.. oh God. i feel 2007 on my back already.. O levels.. here i come!

i'm fine. sure, i'm fine, thank you very much, you hypocrite. if you don't really care about me, don't try to make things okay by meaningless words when you shoved a whole bucket of attitude in my face. at the very least apologize. oh wait, i forgot. you're some male chauvinist who believes that apologizing would cause your ego to be diminutive. w-ell... i could've known.

puppy! you told the whole world for what? i thought i could trust you. guess not. you're just like korkor. wahlaueh. i'm a tad disappointed. :(

darly, thanks for caring and being so sensitive.. i miss you loads.. we go out soon can? and where's your mad friend, kelvin? has he forgotten me and you already?? i love darly!! oh yeah, what's the address for the forum thingo huh?

isaac bumby, i don't have your e-mail address anymore.. remind me okay?

2006-12-10T00:11:00.000+08:00

test test.... McAfee is frustrating. so is life.

haiya!!!!